what is the timeline for calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend? i’m in no rush, but guys seem to feel weighed down when they become a boyfriend, even if you’re doing things together as you normally would

Dear anonymous,

This is a really tough one–or not so tough at all depending on how you look at it. While having someone call you their girlfriend is pretty exciting, if you are happy with the relationship (or whatever it is) as it stands, you should not worry about titles. However, if you are unhappy or anxious this is where things become more complicated. If you really like him–you should tell flat out but casually.

If being “together” for you would not be too different from what is already going on hang-out wise it should not be a scary situation for anyone. Also, honesty is always the best policy when you are in an ambiguous situation. Maybe he is shy and doesn’t know how you really feel..or maybe he’s a jerk! Best to give him the benefit of the doubt, though. Dating is really no big deal–it should be fun!

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I got such harsh critique on my paintings that I sort of gave up painting all together as some kind of immature protest. It’s been two months not painting now, but I’ve been keeping busy with drawing etc. I feel guilty about not painting , but on another level I get satisfaction from underachieving/giving up, which is a relatively new feeling for me. Do you think I should grow up and get over myself and start painting again even if I don’t feel like it so much or if I should just do “what comes naturally” (even if it’s nothing) and ignore my and everyone elses expectations?
-Pedro

Dear Pedro,

Oh man. Your situation is one I am unfortunately (or fortunately?) very familiar with. First you need to remind yourself that a bad critique is better than no critique at all or one where people are totally silent and nod their heads and say only bland nice things that don’t help you at all. However, bad critiques suck. Especially in small art schools where things easily get personal (I don’t know about your school but I know the one I went to).

I think you should do want you want to do art-wise but I think that consciously doing nothing because it is easy may not be the best choice. However, you say you are drawing which is good. I have not made a “real” drawing in almost a year now and sometimes it haunts me even though I take a lot of photographs and still make collages sometimes. I know I will make them again someday–and you will make paintings, too. As for the expectations–the only expectations you should honor are your own for yourself. If you are sad not making paintings you should make them but if you are okay for now, let it be–but maybe don’t wait as long as I have. I think I am going to make a new drawing tonight!

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Dear Jessica,

Yours truly,
Lonelygirl

Dear Lonelygirl,

Your situation is not a fun one–but even your email to me lets me know you at least have a sense of humor about it, which is good! My first thought is that you are choosing the wrong type of boys: boys who either don’t deserve you and break your heart or boys you maybe are just not truly interested in. However, things are always more complicated than they seem. Maybe you are not putting yourself in the position to really be in a longer relationship i.e. being open and giving people the benefit of the doubt, etc. But then again, you may not even know what you want and that makes it harder to know what you want out of another person.

In this situation you really just need to take a look at yourself and figure out what qualities you would want in yourself and the qualities you would want in a potential boyfriend. Make a list even. Think about these things and then think if the people you are having short-term affairs with have or could have any of these qualities. I’m not just saying that things “just happen”–but in my experience they certainly have and do. I also truly believe that if you are confident/settled enough in yourself as a person something radiates out of you and other people are drawn to you–good people, too. Also, I promise you won’t be single for the rest of your life. You are strong! Don’t forget it.